Be evil

MOUNTAIN VIEW, CA — Facing criticism from many quarters in recent months over actions which some consider to be a violation of its 'Don't be evil' mantra, Google responded today that it would immediately be splitting all of its evil operations into a second, wholly independent corporation, called Evigle.

Anticipating criticism, co-founder Larry Page told the press conference that concern was unwarranted, as "Google will always triumph over Evigle".

The new company will immediately take over control of such Google operations as data-mining emails, Scientology censorship requests, and information-sharing with government agencies, with future ventures announced today that include the removal of potentially life-saving emergency information from search results, and the placement of dozens of remotely-triggered, high-yield nuclear bombs on tectonic fault lines around the world.

Construction is already underway on an exact copy of Google's Mountain View campus for the new company. The Evigleplex, just off the Strip in Las Vegas, Nevada, will be officially opened next month by Eric Schmidt's goatee-bearded twin.