July 2005 Archives

Congratulations and best wishes are due to Alex and Lizzy, who are getting married this afternoon in Nottingham. Here's hoping that the weather doesn't dampen the occasion. I wish you both many decades of domestic bliss!

War of the Worlds: Unfaithful Hollywood spectacle.
Batman Begins: Welsh Batman works.
The Hitch-Hiker's Guide: Occasionally brilliant trainwreck.
Star Wars Episode III: Revenge of the Sith: Didn't bother seeing.

(Still to see this year: Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, Howl's Moving Castle, Serenity.)

We rescued this bristly beast today. It had fallen down a brick pit in the garden, and was stuck. We don't know how long it had been there, but because it moved unsteadily, we brought it into the house to warm it up and give it something to eat and drink.

It seemed a little weak and wobbly, but not weak enough to be unable to huff its displeasure when we handled it, and plenty strong enough to devour the worms we gave it. When we let it go, half an hour later, it stomped off into the undergrowth with renewed vigour.

Hedgehogs aren't regular visitors to our garden -- in the 30 years that the house has been occupied this is only the second time one's been spotted -- so this unexpected visitor added some low-key excitement to the day.

Upon further investigation I have discovered more about this time-sucking anomaly within which I am apparently entrenched. Once this condition is attained, few people ever voluntarily leave it, as the predicament asserts a terminal dependence over those trapped within, those few who manage to escape finding themselves unable to cope and forced into returning. Most surprisingly to me, the discovery that this soul-absorbing yet chillingly seductive state has a label all of its own: 'employment'.

Employment is much like playing an MMORPG: it's not for its own rewards, but the eventual result, that you pace the treadmill for hours every day. In the case of an online game, this means slightly increased stats allowing the player to battle slightly more powerful enemies, producing a zero net change in difficulty. In the case of employment, this comes at the end of the month in the form of a financial deposit that can be redeemed for doner kebabs. I am reliably informed that in many jobs an additional incentive called 'promotion' exists, though I don't understand why they don't just call it 'levelling' like everyone else.

Contrary to my expectations throughout the year of job-hunting and mood swings that preceded this latest turn of events, I'm finding employment to be a generally agreeable and worthwhile endeavour. As is customary, I will write about my time in the workplace rarely or never. I just wanted to make it a matter of record that right now I'm pretty damn happy with life and my place in it.

stuck in weird anomaly thing

sucking in all my free time

send help